


Dreamcatcher

by The Fairy Queen (Angeleyes)



Series: So Much to Say [2]
Category: Emergency!
Genre: Angst, April Showers 2015, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-04
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-17 02:11:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3511364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angeleyes/pseuds/The%20Fairy%20Queen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a devastating tragedy on a call, Roy suffers debilitating post-traumatic stress that threatens his career and well-being.  Can Johnny help his partner find his way back?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dreamcatcher

**Author's Note:**

> This work is second in a series called "So Much to Say". It is a slightly reworked version of a story written in 1999.

The only sound in Station 51's barracks room was the soft wuffle of Boot the station mascot, snoring in his sleep on the foot of Roy DeSoto's bed. Suddenly the tones sounded, and six men leapt as one from their beds and began donning their turnout gear.

"Station 51, engine 10, truck 127, truck 98, truck 85, apartment fire, 775 East Sepulveda, cross street Moorpark. Time out 23:10."

The squad and engine pulled up to find flames shooting out of a four story apartment building. Terrified people leaned from their apartment windows, black smoke boiling out around them. More hysterical citizens ran thither and fro in the streets, screaming and shouting and basically frustrating the police officers trying vainly to keep them out of the firefighters' way.

Cap. Stanley took a brief look around the scene before beginning to bark out orders into his handy talkie. "Engine 10, you can pump to it from the hydrant at the intersection of Moorpark and Colfax. Truck 85, why don't you come in the back and open the roof."

A hysterical woman in her early 30's ran to where the men stood and grabbed Johnny's arm. "My baby," she screamed. "My baby, my little girl is still inside!"

Johnny caught the woman's flailing hands. "Which floor, lady, which apartment? What's the number?"

"Second floor, apartment 2-F! Oh, god, please hurry!"

"What's her name?"

"Danielle, Danielle! Please!"

Cap spoke up. "Johnny, Roy, go get her. Marco, Chet, take a one and a half and go with them, front stairs."

Johnny and Roy sprinted to the building, pausing for a moment to put their SCBA on before going inside. Through the thick smoke they could see a flight of wooden stairs just ahead, and the two paramedics took the steps two and three at a time, Chet and Marco on their heels. Apartment 2-F was all the way at the end of the hall, the last door on the left. Roy was the first one there and opened the door with one kick. He took a step inside the room and looked around as the others crowded in behind him. The room appeared to be a combination living room/dining room, and it was completely engulfed in flames.

Chet and Marco began battling the fire while Roy and Johnny directed their attention to finding the girl.

"Danielle?" Roy shouted. He pulled his face mask away to be heard more clearly. "Danielle!"

They all heard the faint cry from one of the doors to their left, what they assumed to be a bedroom. Roy pushed the door open with his shoulder and he and Johnny paused to take stock of the room. It was filled with smoke, but the flames had not reached it yet. "I see her!" Johnny shouted suddenly, and pointed to a small bundle huddled beneath a child-sized desk.

Roy took a step toward her. "It's okay, honey, hang on, we're here to help you."

He froze when the sound of a loud crack reached his ears.

"The floor is giving way!" Johnny shouted. He grabbed Roy's arm. "This floor isn't going to hold much longer. You need your life belt!" Working quickly, the two men got Roy's life belt strapped on and a rope attached. "Marco, Chet, help me," Johnny called. "I need you to help me hold Roy's line!"

Roy began to crawl towards the girl, pausing periodically when he heard ominous creaks and pops from the floor beneath him.

Johnny watched tensely, holding Roy's lifeline and praying silently that the weakening floor would hold until his partner had reached the child and had her safely in his arms.

Roy was close enough now to look directly into the child's face. She was young, about nine or ten. Her face was streaked where tears had cleaned a path through the soot darkening her skin. Her clear blue eyes were so huge they seemed to take up her whole face. Roy thought that in her terror he must look like a monster dressed out in all his gear. He tried to make his voice as soothing as possible. "Danielle, honey, my name is Roy. I'm a fireman, and I'm here to help you. Give me your hand, okay?" Roy reached out to her, and after a moment, Danielle tremulously reached for his outstretched hand. Their fingertips brushed, and just as he was about to close his hand around her wrist the floor beneath him crumbled away to nothingness.

"Roy!" Johnny screamed, and watched in horror as his partner and lover disappeared from his view. He was nearly jerked off his feet, but regained his footing quickly. Behind him he could feel Marco and Chet straining at the rope, and eventually the three of them managed to pull Roy up from the abyss he had plunged into. Finally he lay on the floor at their feet, and Johnny hauled him up roughly. "Let's get the hell out of here! This whole level is about to go!"

The four firefighters stumbled back the way they had come; running a gauntlet through flames that had nearly consumed the first floor. They spilled out onto the sidewalk, where Roy promptly wrestled himself out of Johnny's grip. "I have to get to her! Let me GO, Johnny, I have to get her!"

"Roy, stop it! She's gone! The whole building is gone, it's too late! There's nothing we can do!"

"No, I can reach her! Let me go, goddamn it!" Finally, with Marco and Chet's help Johnny got Roy to the ground in a sitting position. "Roy, listen to me! You did everything you could. We all did." Johnny ripped Roy's helmet and breathing gear off and forced Roy to look into his face. "Roy, look at me! You tried, we all tried, there was nothing any of us could do." Johnny's heart wrenched as he looked into Roy's devastated face.

In the background, all the men could hear Danielle's grief-stricken mother keening. "I'm sorry," Roy grabbed Johnny by the arms and looked up into his face. "Oh, God, I'm so sorry!"

The final death toll in the fire was 13 souls, including 9 year old Danielle Honeck. She was found on the first floor of the building, her small body trapped in the fallen, charred beams of her bedroom.

The next day was Roy and Johnny's day off. They spent it together, as usual. They had been together as more than just work partners for six months. Their intimate relationship had begun shortly after Johnny discovered that Roy's wife Joanne had taken a lover and left him. Roy had resisted getting involved with Johnny at first, but then Johnny was shot in the line of duty. The incident forced Roy to recognize exactly what his partner meant to him and they'd been nearly inseparable since.

In the interim, Roy's divorce from Joanne became final. He sold his house, split the profits with Joanne, and moved into Johnny's apartment. The place was small, but plenty big enough for the two of them. The apartment itself might have surprised someone who thought they knew John Gage. Far from being the messy bachelor pad one might expect, the intimate space was decorated with care and surprising good taste. Glossy pine tables, a comfortable couch with a hand woven blanket in shades of maroon and brown thrown over the back, several thriving plants, a framed print of Georgia O'Keefe's "Mule Skull & Feather" hanging on one wall, a grouping of beeswax candles on a tabletop... Roy's home with Joanne had been comfortable, but somehow he'd never felt as much at home there as he did here, with Johnny's presence in every stick of furniture and curio. Roy's main contribution to the decor had been framed photographs of his children, Chris and Brandy.

Most often they spent their days off relaxing, usually by taking Johnny's Harley Ironhead into the mountains around LA and riding for hours. Quite frequently they ended up at some secluded spot near a lake or pond, where they would spend some precious stolen moments in each other's arms surrounded by the beauty of nature. Today, however, Roy did not want to leave the apartment. In fact, Johnny had difficulty even getting him to get out of bed.

Johnny sat on the edge of the king-sized bed they'd bought since Roy had moved in and looked down sadly at his best friend. "Roy, you can't blame yourself. These things happen. We've all lost people before."

Roy rolled his eyes up at Johnny. "You didn't see her face, Junior. You didn't see the look in her eyes. She trusted me. I told her I was going to help her, and I let her fall. I should have had her. I should have..." He buried his face in his pillow and refused to look at Johnny again.

That night, Johnny was startled out of a sound sleep by a piercing scream.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Johnny sat up, heart pounding with fright. Roy lay beside him, thrashing in his sleep. He was soaked with sweat, and tears rolled down his face. "No, I have to go back... I have to go back...."

"Roy, wake up! Wake up, man, you're having a nightmare!"

Roy reacted by swinging out with a roundhouse punch, only missing hitting Johnny square in the face thanks to the young man's excellent reflexes. "Dammit, Roy, wake up!"

Roy's eyes finally opened. He stared mutely up at Johnny, tears still rolling down his cheeks. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but nothing came out, and he squeezed his eyes tightly closed again. Johnny sighed. "Ah, man..." He settled back down in the bed, gathering Roy into his arms and holding him while his body shook with sobs. After a time Roy lifted his face and looked Johnny in the eye. "What is it?" Johnny asked.

Instead of replying, Roy kissed him fiercely. Johnny was taken aback, this reaction not being the one he had expected. "Whoa, Roy, take it easy."

"No, I don't want to take it easy. I want to feel something besides this guilt, Johnny. Please..." and he began showering Johnny with desperate kisses. Johnny reacted automatically, rubbing his body against Roy's, feeling Roy's burgeoning erection against his thigh. His own body responded in kind and for a while the two of them lay together side by side, kissing hungrily and thrusting against each other's groins. Eventually Johnny reached between their bodies and took his own erection in hand along with Roy's, pressing them together and stroking, stimulating them both. In moments he sensed Roy growing close and sped up his movements. With a cry, Roy came.

Johnny felt the flood of hot fluid over his hand and belly, and he uttered an almost painful groan as his own climax followed. After a moment Johnny used his shirt to wipe away the majority of the mess and then tossed it to the floor. He wrapped his arms around Roy again and kissed his sweaty forehead. "Sleep," he whispered. "Sleep, and don't dream..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"NOOOOOOO!!!! Danielle!" The sleeping crew of Station 51 was once again jolted awake by Roy's wails of terror and grief. He sat up in bed, shaking convulsively.

"Roy." Johnny moved to Roy's bed and touched him lightly on the shoulder. He ached to take Roy into his arms, but in the station house, with the four other members of their crew watching, that just wasn't possible. "Roy, it's all right. Calm down." Roy reluctantly lay back down. "I'm sorry, guys."

There were mutters of "It's okay" and "No sweat, Roy" and rustles as the others settled back down to sleep. Johnny sat at Roy's side until he finally dropped back off to sleep.

Morning found A shift gathering in the station's kitchen. Mike poured everyone a mug of coffee, and they all sipped silently at the fresh hot brew. Over the last three shifts the station, usually so full of life and laughter, had become like a funeral home. The firefighters and paramedics who worked there were exhausted by their constantly interrupted sleep and the contagious pall of Roy's melancholia. They all were worried about Roy, but each man also craved sleep undisturbed by horrifying screams in the night. Roy's present mood was demoralizing in the extreme.

Cap. Stanley appeared in the doorway. "Roy, can I see you for a minute?" Roy groaned silently, and pushed himself away from the counter to follow the captain to his office. The other men watched him leave, concern readily apparent in their expressions.

"Roy, I'm going to get right to the point. I'm worried about you. I want you to take today off."

"No, Cap, I..."

Cap. Stanley held up his hand. "Stop right there." He sighed. "Roy, I feel for you, God knows I do. We've all been where you are now. I want you to take the time off and rest. Better yet, go see a counselor. You need some help getting over this thing. You need sleep. We all need sleep!" Cap. smiled widely, and Roy tried to smile at what he knew was an effort to cheer him.

"Captain Stanley?" Cap. and Roy looked up to see Johnny standing in the doorway.

"What is it, John?" Cap. Stanley was annoyed at the interruption.

"Sir, I know I shouldn't have been listening, but since I did and I heard what you said, I have an idea." Johnny rushed ahead before Cap. Stanley could call him on the eavesdropping. "Why don't I take the day off, too? I mean, I do have the time off coming. And Roy and I both have the day off tomorrow anyway. I can help Roy get through this, I know I can." Johnny's voice dropped. "Don't make him go to a counselor, Cap. You know what that would mean. It would be in his jacket from now on. 'They' say it doesn't matter, but we all know different. What chance will Roy ever have to make Captain if he's got a psych evaluation in his past?"

Cap. Stanley studied John thoughtfully, while Roy studied the floor. He was too exhausted and indifferent to voice an opinion in the matter until Cap spoke up.

"Roy, what do you think?"

"I'll do whatever you recommend, captain."

Cap. Stanley sighed. "Alright, Johnny. Get him out of here. Take him to the zoo, take him to the beach, I don't care. Just get him out of here and rested and back to his old self. If you can't do it, I'm afraid I'll have to insist on the counseling." The captain sighed, and his voice softened. "Roy... hang in there, okay? We're all rooting for you here."

"I know, Cap. Thanks."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Johnny, why did you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Ask for the day off to take care of me. Aren't you afraid they'll think..."

"Roy, I don't give a rat's ass what they think. I just want to see you get better. And that's what we're going to do, you hear me? We're going to get you through this without you having to go to some damn headshrinker."

Halfway to his truck, Johnny stopped suddenly. "I know. Let's go up to the mountains for a couple of days."

"I don't know, Johnny. Maybe we should just go home."

"So you can crawl back into the bed and pull the covers over your head and hide? No, my friend, I don't think so. Come on, Roy, it'll be great. Fresh air, sunshine, no phones, no work. I know a place... We've never been there, I was saving it for a special occasion. It's beautiful, Roy. At sunset, when the light just starts to die, the sky lights up with all these colors, and it just takes your breath away." He glanced at his watch. "Let's get home and get packed, and we'll make it in plenty of time to see it this evening."

They left the station for home. Over Roy's constant but halfhearted protestations, Johnny packed camping supplies and the motorcycle into the bed of the truck. Johnny packed clothes for both of them, and practically had to undress Roy forcibly to get him to change into jeans and boots for the trip.

It only took an hour to reach the spot Johnny knew. They spent a few hours setting up the tent, getting their provisions and supplies set out, and exploring the nearby woods. Johnny made a late lunch for them, and they spent the next few hours in comfortably quiet companionship. Roy sat under a tree with a book on his lap, not reading. Johnny sat near the tent, working silently on something small and intricate looking. He wouldn't let Roy close enough to see what it was.

Eventually Johnny set the item aside, looked at his watch and stretched. "Okay, junior, it's time."

Roy looked up wearily. "Time for what?"

"Sunset, man, remember? At least it will be by the time we get to the observation point."

After what seemed to Roy an interminable hike, Johnny stopped so suddenly that Roy ran into him. "Okay, man, here we are." Roy didn't answer. He was just grateful for the opportunity to sit down on the ledge that Johnny indicated and rest for a while.

They sat hip by hip in silence for a long time, watching the sun drop lower in the western sky and fingers of color, red, gold, violet and pink stretch across the horizon. As it grew darker, they heard the sounds of the nocturnal creatures of the woods beginning to stir, as crickets chirped and chirruped and frogs croaked and splashed.

Johnny leaned over and put his lips right next to Roy's ear. "I told you it was beautiful," he whispered. Roy could feel his hot breath in his ear as he spoke, and it sent a thrill through his body.

Johnny stood and pulled Roy to his feet. "Let's go back to camp, okay?"

In silence they gathered firewood and built a roaring campfire. This high in the mountains, the night was cold. The cool night air chilled them despite their warm clothing and they drew together in a search for warmth, huddled together next to the fire.

"Let's go to bed," Johnny finally whispered. He unrolled the double sized sleeping bad he'd bought the first time he'd taken Roy camping, shucked his clothes and dove inside. Roy followed. As he slipped into the bed, Johnny gasped. "Shit, your feet are cold!" He laughed, but Roy just gave him a small smile. Johnny sighed and pulled Roy to him. He propped himself onto one elbow to look down at his lover. He began stroking Roy's face with one finger, running it over each closed eyelid, down his nose, and across his lips.

Johnny leaned over to kiss Roy, beginning at his mouth, sucking each pouty lip into his mouth, licking each one, tracing its outline with the tip of his tongue. He ran his tongue slowly down Roy's chin to his neck and sucked gently at the sensitive spot just to the side of his Adam's apple. Slowly, he ran his tongue down Roy's neck to his chest, and traced slowly around his nipple, teasing it with delicate feathery licks with the very tip of his tongue before fastening his hot mouth on it and sucking firmly. Roy groaned and arched his back.

Johnny moved back up to Roy's mouth and kissed him softly. "Roy, I have something I want to ask you to do for me."

Roy opened his eyes and looked at his lover. "What?"

Johnny said softly. "I want you to make love to me."

Johnny watched as the pupils of Roy's incredible blue eyes, already dilated in the semi-darkness, expand to take over his irises as the import of what Johnny was saying sank in.

"Johnny, why? I mean, why now?"

"Because I want to. Because I think you need to."

Roy's head was spinning. In his months with Johnny, they had done quite a bit of experimenting, as couples in the first flush of love and lust do, but they had never gone as far as Johnny was suggesting.

"Don't you want to?"

"Of course I want to. I'm just, it's just that I don't know what to do. You're the one with the experience. I guess I figured the first time we did, you know, that, it would be you... " Roy was glad Johnny couldn't see him clearly in the dancing light of the campfire, he knew he was blushing furiously.

John smothered a smile. "You'll do fine, Roy. Physically, it's not such a big deal. Just go slowly and we'll be cool. Emotionally might be a different matter. I've been waiting to suggest that we make this step, until I thought you were ready. Well, I think you're ready, but do you?"

Roy looked at his beloved, at his thick dark hair, far too shaggy for fire dept. regs, he was sure to get an ass chewing from the Cap soon if he didn't get a haircut... Roy shook his head to clear it. Johnny had asked him something.

"Yeah, I think I'm ready. I think you're right, actually. I think I need this. I want to ... connect with you." Roy felt he might die of embarrassment, but he forced himself to continue. "Do you understand what I mean?"

"Perfectly."

For a moment they looked at each other, until Johnny giggled. "I guess I'll make the first move." He rummaged in his rucksack and finally emerged with a bottle of sweet almond scented body oil. He handed it to Roy, who accepted the bottle with a skeptical look at Johnny. He shrugged. "Hey, I was a boy scout, okay? I'm always prepared."

With that he rolled over on his stomach, pillowing his head on folded arms. "Rub me down?"

Roy swallowed, then threw back the sleeping bag cover. He straddled Johnny's body, settling his weight partly upon Johnny's buttocks and partly on his own knees. He squirted a puddle of oil into his hand and began to rub Johnny's shoulders. He used firm but gentle strokes, and must have done something right because he heard Johnny's sigh of contentment at the same time he felt the body beneath him begin to release some of its tension.

"Good lord, Johnny. You really should eat more. You're so damn skinny."

"Well, you know what they say, Roy. The nearer the bone, the sweeter the meat."

Roy pulled his hands firmly down Johnny's sides, and after a moment's hesitation, squirted more of the oil into his hands. He rubbed them together to warm it, then began to slowly rub his hands over Johnny's firm ass. Johnny grunted his approval and Roy grew bolder, dribbling the oil between Johnny's buttocks. Johnny cooperated by spreading his legs, and Roy used his thumbs to spread the liquid into the crease between them. Roy felt the intense heat emanating from the inside of Johnny's body, and he felt more excited than he had ever been in his life. He began to unconsciously rub his erect cock against the warm silky flesh of Johnny's butt, and moaned loudly when his cock slipped between Johnny's oiled buttocks.

"Fingers first," Johnny whispered.

Roy heard this as from a great distance. "What?"

"Use your fingers first. To stretch me."

Trying to hurry and yet be gentle, Roy poured more oil between Johnny's buttocks and hesitantly pushed one finger inside. Johnny grunted approvingly, and pushed back against the invading digit. Encouraged, Roy added another finger, then another.

"That's enough, Roy. Do it." Johnny sounded urgent, and Roy wanted to oblige him, more than anything, but he was unsure of exactly what he should do. Sensing his unease and confusion, Johnny raised his hips encouragingly. Roy moved to kneel between Johnny's spread thighs, and after a moment's hesitation, put the head of his cock against his opening and pushed. Johnny leant back against him and moaned when Roy's cock began slipping inside.

"Wait..." Johnny whispered, and Roy froze. After a moment Johnny pushed backwards and Roy took this silent action as permission to continue, and slowly he pushed until he was buried to the hilt in his lover. He paused, relishing the feelings, so hot, so tight....it was the most incredible thing he had ever experienced.

Roy began thrusting, slowly at first, picking up tempo as Johnny encouraged him loudly and without inhibition. The sensations running through him were more than his excited body could stand, and he felt himself coming closer...closer.....

Suddenly, he felt the muscles of Johnny's ass began to grip and squeeze him rhythmically, and it was more than he could take. He threw his head back and almost howled, staring up into the starry night sky, at the fat harvest moon shining indulgently down upon them.

After a moment their bodies parted, with a regretful sound on each side. Roy flopped down onto the ground beside John, who pulled the sleeping bag around them. Johnny put his arm around Roy and pulled him close, settling his head on his shoulder. He took Roy's hand and wound their fingers together.

"Roy, I have something I want to tell you." He drew a deep breath and began.

"Long ago when the world was young, an old Lakota spiritual leader was on a high mountain and had a vision. In his vision, Iktomi, the great trickster and teacher of wisdom, appeared in the form of a spider. Iktomi spoke to him in a sacred language. As he spoke, Iktomi the spider picked up the elder's willow hoop which had feathers, horsehair, beads and offerings on it, and began to spin a web."

"He spoke to the elder about the cycles of life; how we begin our lives as infants, move on through childhood and on to adulthood. Finally we go to old age where we must be taken care of as infants, completing the cycle. But, Iktomi said as he continued to spin his web, in each time of life there are many forces; some good and some bad. If you listen to the good forces, they will steer you in the right direction. But, if you listen to the bad forces, they'll steer you in the wrong direction and may hurt you. So these forces can help, or can interfere with the harmony of Nature. While the spider spoke, he continued to weave his web."

"When Iktomi finished speaking, he gave the elder the web and said : 'The web is a perfect circle with a hole in the center. Use the web to help your people reach their goals, making good use of their ideas, dreams and visions. If you believe in the great spirit, the web will catch your good ideas and the bad ones will go through the hole.' The elder passed on his vision to the people and now many Indian people hang a dream catcher above their bed to sift their dreams and visions. The good is captured in the web of life and carried with the people, but the evil in their dreams drops through the hole in the center of the web and are no longer a part of their lives."

Johnny reached into his backpack again and pulled out a small object. Roy recognized it as the thing he'd been working on earlier in the day. It was a cleverly wrought circle, woven with blue thread and decorated with tiny blue beads and feathers. Johnny pressed it into Roy's hand. "It's a dreamcatcher."

Roy didn't know what to say, so he said nothing. He accepted the gift, and with tears burning his eyes, hugged Johnny tightly in wordless thanks, touched beyond words by the gesture. And that night for the first time since the fire Roy slept, and didn't dream.

The End.


End file.
